Feel the fear and do it anyway.
It’s 5.29am and I’m awake. Why? Well apart from the fact that Chris is snoring really loudly (REALLY LOUDLY!) I’m awake because I’m anxious. It’s less than two weeks until we set off and whilst part of me is excited to be heading off on an adventure, at the moment I’m more scared than anything. I keep thinking about all the things that could go wrong – what if we get robbed? what if the kids get sick? what if something happens to Chris? What if we crash the van? At silly o’clock in the morning it’s hard to shake these thoughts.
It’s not the first time I’ve lain awake worrying, not by a long chalk… last week I talked through my worries with Chris. He didn’t tell me ‘it will all be ok’, he ‘reassuringly’ said that all of the above could just as easily happen while we are at home and also that yes, actually some or all of them probably will happen while we are away- chances are that during the year we will all get sick at some point, the van will probably break down and we will likely find ourselves in some dodgy places. The best that we can do is prepare ourselves – make sure we know how to get help and that the kids know how too, make sure we have good insurance, keep some money aside for emergencies – that kind of thing.
He also asked me if my worries were enough to make me not want to go travelling ‘shall we just stay at home?’ and the answer is a resounding ‘NO!’ Yes, I’m scared, no I can’t sleep, yes sometimes I think I must be mad to be giving up all our home comforts, to have given up a great job and to be leaving our family and friends but this is something I feel I have to do, I need to do, I really, really want to do. We are going to see some amazing stuff and we get to spend a whole year together so the pros far outweigh the cons – I’m going, fear or not!
It makes me think of a book I read in my twenties called “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” which reminds us in a fabulously self-helpy way that fear is completely normal and that there are no right or wrong decisions just opportunities to learn and to grow. I think this trip is certainly going to be a learning experience!
Yesterday we also had a timely reminder that we are doing the right thing, it arrived in the shape of a card from a friend, in which she had written a Mark Twain quote:
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
So I shall feel the fear and do it anyway. This will be a year of making memories – there will be great ones and there will no doubt be some less great ones, perhaps even some downright awful ones, but there will certainly be some memories that will last us a lifetime. Geronimo!!